Eventhough most Hollywood movies don’t feature the explicit sex of porn features, there are plenty of movies out there that feature nudity. There are some great movies without any nudity and there are some bad movies that feature a whole lot of it. But every now and then there are great movies that also happen to feature some great nudity. So I thought I would go ahead and enlighten you with 10 Great Movies With Nudity As A Bonus. Enjoy!

Amanda Peet, The Whole Nine Yards

Yes, this movie fucking bombed. Yes, Matthew Perry is essentially playing Chandler from Friends in a feature film. Yes, it takes place in Canada. But honestly, folks, this movie cracks me the fuck up. I legitimately think that Bruce Willis is a terrific comic actor and wish he would ditch the macho action man persona permanently in his old age and just do funny movies. He was brilliant in Death Becomes Her and his funny moments in The Fifth Element are terrific. He’s equally hilarious in The Whole Nine Yards, so fuck you if you think this movie sucks. But even if you hate the film, you have to admit that the surprise full-frontal nudity from Amanda Peet is worth the price of admission alone. What’s so great about her scene is that it’s so out of left field…you’re watching the flick and going along with it, and then BAM: out of nowhere there’s a naked chick with a gun. I love it, this is easily one of my favorite nude scenes of all time.

Anne Hathaway, Love & Other Drugs

Anyone who knows me understands that my love and admiration for Anne Hathaway has no limits. I honestly don’t understand why everyone hates her so much. I think she’s funny, gorgeous, and she genuinely seems like a fucking awesome person. I’ve never met her so maybe she’s awful in person, but until I meet her I’m just going to keep assuming she is beauty incarnate. And while her best nude scenes are clearly in Havoc, her nude scenes in Love & Other Drugs are awesome and happen to be in a far better movie. Love & Other Drugs is particularly important to me because it deals with being in a relationship with a person who suffers from an invisible illness, which is something I know very well. Yes, the ending of the movie is lame as fuck and kind of ruins the whole thing, but up until that point Love & Other Drugs is one of the best (and realest) romantic dramedies I’ve ever seen. Plus, perfect boobs.

Maggie Gyllenhaal, Secretary

Forget that 50 Shades Of Grey garbage. When it comes to depictions of BDSM relationships on film, Secretary should absolutely be your go-to feature. Yes, the relationship between Lee and Mr. Grey (whose name influenced Christian Grey, no doubt) starts off very unethical and possibly even dangerous. But the way both of the characters navigate through their feelings and reservations about the alternative relationship they are forming is very real and very touching. What’s so terrific about Maggie’s nude scene is that it doesn’t occur until the end of the movie; all the BDSM stuff that happens on film is done with both actors totally clothed. It’s only when Lee and Mr. Grey finally give in to their “abnormalities” does she finally feel comfortable enough to be naked and vulnerable in front of him. Truly a terrific movie and a beautiful nude scene.

Angelina Jolie, Hackers

OK, so technically there isn’t really a nude scene in Hackers. It’s a PG-13 rated film, so of course there isn’t anything super sexual in it. But there are two times in the movie that you can very clearly see Angelina Jolie’s boobs, albeit for only a few seconds of screen time. As a kid, I thought Hackers was just the coolest shit, and I still quote the movie all the time…but as cool as the movie itself is, it was truly a sexual awakening in a lot of ways for my 12 year-old self being able to see Kate Libby’s boobs, because the character is literally my dream woman. Short black hair? Check. Insane fashion? Check. Loves computers and tech? Check. Super sexual feminist? Check. Being able to see her boobs for exactly two seconds was all I needed.

Sherilyn Fenn, Boxing Helena

You probably have never even heard of Boxing Helena. That’s because it’s so fucked up that it was pretty much just swept under the rug when it was released. I don’t even know how the movie got greenlit! It’s about a surgeon who kidnaps a woman and amputates her arms and legs to keep her trapped in his house. It’s weird and disturbing, in a good way, but then is absolutely ruined at the end when (SPOILER ALERT) it turns out it was all a fucking dream. What a cop out! Anyway, the movie features Sherilyn Fenn and her fucking amazing boobs. And let me tell you, after obessing over Audrey Horne in Twin Peaks, being able to finally see Fenn in the buff was ecstasy. Boxing Helena is a left-field movie that is incredibly interesting if not downright confounding, but when Sherilyn Fenn is naked how could you ever complain?

Erika Eleniak, Under Siege

Let me just get this right out of the way: Under Siege is a blatant Die Hard clone. It gave birth to the whole concept of calling something “Die Hard on a _______”. In this case, the “_______” is a battleship. Early on in the film, a stripper is brought onto the boat to do the classic jump-out-of-the-cake bit for the soldiers, but when the boat is taken over by terrorists (led by an absolutely bonkers Tommy Lee Jones) she is forgotten about. When she finally appears on screen, Erika Eleniak thinks this is her big moment and jumps out of the cake brandishing her absolutely perfect boobs. I know the whole scene backwards and forwards because I was 10 years old and used to re-watch my VHS copy of the movie over and over again for that scene. Because I was a young boy and obsessed with naked ladies. Duh. But seriously, aside from Speed this movie is the best Die Hard clone out there, and Tommy Lee Jones is so fucking over-the-top in the movie that it’s impossible not to have fun watching him be batshit insane.

Holly Hunter, Crash

In the same vein as Boxing Helena, David Cronenberg’s Crash is so fucking bizarre that it’s a wonder it even got made. The movie is about a semi-cult of people who fetishize car crashes. One of their biggest thrills is purposely crashing cars with them as the occupants, and fucking in the wreckage while they bleed out. Yes. How does one get into that fetish? Well, there’s one scene that’s stayed with me for years that sums it up: James Spader and Holly Hunter are two strangers who accidentally crash into eachother, and once the crash has calmed Spader sees Hunter take her seat belt off covered in blood and glass, and as she does she accidentally (or purposely?) exposes one of her breasts to him. It’s a strangely erotic and beautiful scene, and like I said it’s stayed with me for over 20 years. Although Crash is slow moving and in some ways incomprehensible, it’s a perfect match for Cronenberg’s obsession with the mixing of biology and technology. Worth seeking out if you haven’t seen it!

Uma Thurman, Dangerous Liasons

You may have seen Dangerous Liasons in its teen-friendly form when it was remade as Cruel Intentions. In reality both movies (and many others) are based on a French novel written in 1782, so I can hardly call Dangerous Liasons the OG. But it is vastly superior to Cruel Intentions, and the fact that one features Uma Thurman getting naked and the other doesn’t sends the point home even further. Uma has done other nude scenes before so it’s not like this is the only movie you can watch to see her in the buff, but this movie is so awesome that you really don’t need to see anything else. My only wish is that she was wearing the black wig she wears in Pulp Fiction…a Mia Wallace nude scene would be fucking incredible.

Salma Hayek, Desperado

Salma. Fucking. Hayek. Can anyone say anything bad about her? She’s gorgeous, a terrific actress, and from everything I’ve read a fucking fabulous person. And yes: she has probably the best body ever in the history of humans having bodies. The fact that she gets naked in a movie as fun and ridiculous as Desperado is like a gift to all humanity. It’s like Robert Rodriguez was standing around one day and said, “I’m going to remake my first movie with more guns, more explosions, and more camera tricks, and also show Salma Hayek’s perfect rack.” Who wouldn’t fund that movie? I can just imagine studio executives tripping over themselves to give Rodriguez suitcases full of money. If you’ve never seen this movie, you need to seek it out. Not only are Salma Hayek’s tits involved, but Steve Buscemi is fucking hilarious in it as well.

Linda Hamilton, The Terminator

Let’s be honest, a lot of nude scenes in movies are superfluous. The movie could survive just fine without a girl getting naked in it, but pretty much everyone will agree that if you can put beautiful naked ladies in your movie, you might as well put them in there. However, with The Terminator, the nudity actually is integral to the plot. Linda Hamilton’s character is creating the savior of humanity during her sex scene with Michael Biehn, and showing the viewer that intimate act is a testament to the very humanity we think needs saving. It’s a very vulnerable and beautiful moment in an otherwise violent and gross film, which only sends the point home even more. It just goes to show you that not all nude scenes are simply set dressing; some are integral to the story!

However, “How To Prepare For Anal Sex” was constrained on time, so I couldn’t go over in detail every step of the enema process. For example, where do you get an enema bottle? Is a douching bottle the same thing? What about these shower nozzle enemas you’ve heard about? Since I couldn’t go over all of this stuff in the video, I wanted to write a quick article to help fill in some of those gaps.

Before You Begin

The most important thing one needs to remember when dealing with enemas is that the inside of your ass (specifically the anal canal and the beginning of the rectum) is covered in very sensitive tissue. Your colon is designed exclusively to transport fecal matter out of the body, so the tissue wall is not planning on dealing with many foreign substances going “in through the out door”. That’s why you need to be extra careful with the materials and chemicals that you introduce into your ass, because the sensitive inner tissue is easily inflamed…and no one wants an inflamed colon.

What To Clean With

As a general rule, the only things that should be going into your butt are things that are clean, non-porous, and do not introduce a heavy amount of foreign bacteria or compounds into your body. That’s why in the video I make such a point about using distilled water for your ass cleaning needs, NOT tap water or even bottled water. The reason for that is because most water we drink has added chemicals and minerals (yes, even bottled and boiled water) and your butt doesn’t need any of them. Sure, you’re not going to die from using tap water for your enema but you could possibly get sick…and no one likes getting sick. Distilled water is devoid of any chemicals or additives; it is only H2O in its pure form. This is the water scientists use when conducting experiments because it doesn’t introduce any weird chemicals or bacteria into their experiment which could skew their results. I know it may seem like there’s no big difference between distilled water and any other water, but there is! Be sure and only use distilled water for your enema needs…your body will thank you. Distilled water is easy to get at your local drugstore, or you can simply order it online.

Disposable Enema Bottles

When you buy an enema bottle you have two choices: disposable bottles that come pre-filled with liquid and re-usable bottles that come empty. The disposable pre-filled variety are primarily marketed as relief for constipation, so the liquid inside is designed specifically for that purpose. The problem is that using those chemicals on a regular basis can be bad for you for the same reasons that using tap water for enemas is bad for you. Unless you are actually constipated, you should not use the liquid that comes pre-filled in a disposable enema bottle. What you do, as I explained in “How To Prepare For Anal Sex”, is dump the pre-filled liquid out and then refill the bottle with distilled water. Then you’re good to clean your ass with it. When you’ve used that bottle you should then throw it away. You don’t want to re-use disposable bottles because they are hard to clean properly, so the more you re-use them the more risk you put on yourself of getting some sort of infection.

The benefit of using disposable bottles is that you don’t have to go through the hassle of cleaning and maintaining them. You simply dump out the contents, fill them with distilled water, inject, and dispose. However, it’s more expensive to buy bottles over and over again than it is to buy once and re-use, and it’s also bad for the environment as you’re creating more landfill waste. Disposable enemas are available at pretty much every supermarket or drugstore, and you can even order them from Amazon.com to avoid the potential embarrassment of buying them in person.

As I researched getting a vasectomy I couldn’t find a good primer for what to do before, what it’s like during, and what the recovery process is like afterward. I went ahead and got the operation anyway, only feeling about 75% sure of what the whole shindig would be like. Since I just went through it all I figured I’d now write the primer I would have wanted myself and hope that other people find my experience useful.

BEFORE

The first thing you need to understand is that getting a vasectomy is an elective procedure, i.e. there’s not very many situations where you would need to get one. Insurance companies usually aren’t too keen on covering elective procedures, but two factors come into play that make getting a fully-covered vasectomy easy: long-term saving and the advancement of reproductive rights. The latter refers to the fact that the ongoing fight for reproductive rights for women has a side-effect of getting more reproductive rights for men as well. In my state, reproductive rights for both sexes are really great, so I have that advantage. The former factor, long-term saving, is the primary interest of the insurance companies, though. Paying once to sterilize me is a hell of a lot cheaper for them than covering the thousands and thousands of dollars it costs to have a child and keep that child healthy. Thus, it’s in their best interest to make it as easy and cheap as possible for me to get a vasectomy. Because of these two factors, my insurance covered my entire operation 100%…I didn’t even have to pay a co-pay!

If you’re interested in getting a vasectomy, call your insurance provider and find out what the requirements are to get it fully covered. For me, I had to go to an in-network doctor who would perform the operation in their office rather than in a hospital or clinic. I found a good doctor in my area really quickly who fit those qualifications and set up an appointment. I went in and he ran through the basic warnings that you would expect: this will prevent you from being able to have children, it is essentially irreversible, you will be unable to be sexual for a week after the operation, there’s no guarantee that the operation will make you 100% sterile, etc. You can find this info really easily online. After I assured him that this is what I wanted he got me onto a table and felt around my genitals to make sure that I would be able to get the operation. He felt around on each testicle to find the vas deferens attached to each one. Once he did that I was good to go, and I made an appointment to get the operation.

DURING

On the day of the operation they suggest you wear underwear that gives your balls a lot of support, i.e. briefs, not boxers. They also suggest you wear comfortable and loose-fitting clothes so that you don’t have to stretch or bend too much to get dressed and undressed. When you enter the operating room they ask you to empty your bladder in the bathroom so that you don’t have to go during the operation. I’m sure each facility will be different, but my operating room was essentially a room a bit larger than the one you usually end up sitting in when you visit a physician, and it had the same stuff in it: a counter, a raised bed, a sink, some chairs, and that’s it. You really don’t need much to perform this operation.

Once the doctor arrived he had me undress and get on the table and lay flat. He cleaned my genitals with some sort of anti-bacterial soap and then draped medical towels over me so that only my testicles were visible to him. The first step is to numb the area where the cuts will be made which is done by injecting an anesthetic directly into the scrotal sac. This sounds like it would be terribly painful, but it really wasn’t that big of a deal. It was no more than a slight pinch and then boom, I couldn’t feel anything. The doctor then cuts open your scrotal sac to get access to the vas deferens on that side. Once again: sounds painful, but the anesthetic prevented me from feeling anything at all. The doctor exposes the vas deferens, cuts it, and then burns it using a special tool that cauterizes it, preventing it from healing properly. Then he staples each side using medical titanium staples which will stay in you when the operation is over (these staples do not set off metal detectors and do not prevent you from being able to get an MRI). Then he sews you back up using thread that will eventually disintegrate on its own and covers the whole wound with some medical glue. Then he moves to the other testicle and repeats the whole process.

What’s essentially happening is he’s cutting the tube that sperm travel along to be mixed with semen when you ejaculate. Then he’s burning the ends of the tube and then stapling them shut to prevent the tube from healing properly. Once you’re all healed up you’ll be ejaculating semen with no sperm in it because the sperm have no way of getting mixed. Your body still creates the sperm but they just lay dormant, die, and then are absorbed by the body. It’s like you’re permanently stepping on one of your body’s garden hoses.

After he did the other side he cleaned me up with some more anti-bacterial soap and that was it. The whole thing took about 45 minutes. He gave me a prescription for some antibiotics (to prevent infection) and some pain-killers and I was out the door. There was some slight discomfort walking from the office back to the car but really, considering I just had my balls cut open I was feeling great.

AFTER

I was instructed not to ejaculate, have sex, or engage in any serious physical activity for one full week. After 8 weeks I’m supposed to ejaculate into a cup provided for me by the doctor and bring it back to the office for testing. If the semen sample shows no sperm then I’m good to go…officially sterile! If sperm are present then that will mean another operation…but my doc assured me that in his decade-plus career he’s never had that happen before.

When I got home I was still feeling good, but after about an hour the anesthetic wore off and the soreness kicked in. “Kicked” is a good word to use because it felt like someone had kicked me in the balls and I was recovering from the effect for several hours. The pain-killers helped but there definitely was no way I was doing anything but laying in bed for the rest of the day.

It took about 48 hours for me to feel totally fine. I took a shower for the first time and was surprised that the glue stuff stayed strong. I’m guessing that the glue flakes off bit by bit over time until it’s totally gone, and by then your wounds are healed up enough to be on their own. I’m not supposed to have sex for a week, but even if I tried to I’m sure whoever looked at my testicles would not want to have sex with me…they look pretty gnarly. I’m sure that they will look fine as soon as everything is all healed up, though.

All in all, the operation was really easy and relatively benign. The worst part about it was being stuck in bed for two days, but hey…sometimes some bed time is just what you need. Basically, if you’re nervous about getting a vasectomy because of money, time, or the level of pain, don’t worry at all. It was no big deal!

Whether you think of SMS messaging, online instant messaging, email, or social network direct messages when I say the term “text messaging”, doesn’t really matter. They all are being abused…bastardized, even. Text messaging was intended to be a quick and unobtrusive way to communicate with people without dominating their attention. You could send them a message, which they instantaneously receive, and they could read it while at school, in the car, on their computer, or whatever, and then they could choose to return your message when they felt it appropriate. It wasn’t like being face-to-face where responses have to happen in real time while giving the subject your direct focus, or even like having a phone call where responses are in real time but you can be doing other things during the conversation. This was designed to make conversating something that could be perpetually ongoing at the pace the people decide. But it took a turn at some point and now has a side effect that not many people anticipated: people feel like there is no culpability for their words or actions while they have control over the conversation’s speed and trajectory.

As an example of what I’m talking about, let’s look at something that has more-than-likely happened to everyone reading this and everyone you know: you’re going to meet up with someone for some sort of function and they send you a text saying, “Sorry, I have to cancel” only a short time before the function was to begin. Maybe some sort of reason is attached to the cancellation text but a lot of the time no explanation is given at all. The sender of the cancellation text then feels totally absolved of all responsibility for breaking the plans and thinks nothing of it. After all, they feel they did the right thing and sent a message so the person expecting to see them doesn’t go to the function expecting them to be there. No big deal!

This lack of culpability for what quite possibly may have ruined the person’s evening, entire day, or possibly even entire week, is astounding. After all, if text messaging didn’t exist the person would have had no choice but to either verbally talk to the person they were cancelling on over the phone or not do so and simply stand them up. I think pretty much everyone would agree that standing someone up is really bad and would never want to do that, so that phone call would be their only option. But a phone call like that is tough: you can’t just say, “Sorry, I have to cancel” and hang up the phone. No, you have to apologize for canceling, explain why you’re canceling, and then hear the disappointment and dismay of the person-you-are-canceling-on’s voice. That’s a tough pill to swallow. Given those two choices a lot of people may choose to just suck it up and meet with the person rather than cancel because, man, that phone call sounds like it’s going to suck.

But now, with text messaging, they can pick any number of easy ways to get the “Hey, I’m not going to keep plans with you because they’re just not that important to me” message across without having to deal with any messy things like responsibility or negative emotional reactions. In less than 5 seconds they have gotten the word across and are ready to move on with whatever it is they were going to do instead of the original plans they had made. It’s unbelievable.

And that’s just one example of text messaging’s destructive power. Entire relationships can be created and destroyed with a handful of texts. Promises broken, commitments neglected, responsibilities destroyed. Insults can be thrown, threats can be made, careers can be terminated. It can happen so quick that it’s merely a blip on the radar for the perpetrator…one second they are texting a “Sorry” text or a “Fuck you” text or an “I quit” text, and the next second they are turning to talk to the person they have been simultaneously chatting with, or hitting “Play” on their TV to watch a movie, or shutting off their phone and going to sleep. They don’t even have to wait for the response. Hell, they don’t even have to read the responses when they come, they can just delete them! What would have been a common, simple, yet still emotionally taxing and tricky situation 15 years ago has become a 10-second series of button-presses that barely register in the emotional center of the person.

What can be done about it, though? Text messaging is here to stay. The bulk of my communication with people is done via some sort of text messaging and I’m sure the vast majority of society is in the same boat. You can forego the technology entirely and not have a mobile phone and not use email, I suppose. But that’s limiting in its own way. After all, how are people going to communicate with you?! They communicate with everyone else they know via text message, so if you’re the odd-ball out you’re more than likely just going to be forgotten (see also: people who don’t use Facebook or Twitter).

The only practical solution is for people to set the right example themselves. If you’re going to cancel plans with someone last minute, for whatever reason, call them. If you need to have a serious discussion with someone about something, use text messaging to set up a get-together and do it face-to-face. Don’t have the conversation via text. When you call someone to cancel on them the chances will be greater that they will feel compelled to do the same when they have to cancel on you. If you refuse to have a heavy conversation via text, you show the person the importance of having body language, voice tone, and physical presence available to give weight to the words you know you will be saying during that conversation. When people see how one situation went and can compare it to text-only situations they experience with other people, hopefully they will be smart enough to see the positive difference actual communication makes.

Then again, maybe we’re just all fucked and text messaging will have destroyed relationships as we know them. Time will tell…

There are two nearly universal laws: (a) that men achieve orgasm much easier and quicker than women and (b) that it’s much easier to make a man come during sex than it is to make a woman come during sex. Obviously there are exceptions to be found throughout the world I’m sure, but I don’t think anyone could argue that the general statement of “men can get off easier than women can get off” is almost always applicable. I wish it wasn’t true, though. I wish achieving orgasm was easy for everyone and that we all were orgasming at least twice a day at the bare minimum. But women seem to always get the short-end of the stick when it comes to…well, pretty much everything, and no magic wand that I or anyone else may have is going to suddenly make the female orgasm as simple and prevalent a thing as the male orgasm.

There is a natural/physiological reason why there is a huge chasm between men and women when it comes to climax during sex. Sex is only “successful” in a purely animalistic sense if the man achieves orgasm and ejaculates sperm into the woman’s vagina. Take the “sex for pleasure” idea out of coitus and you’re left with only one thing: procreation. If it was exceptionally difficult for a man to achieve orgasm (and thus ejaculation) the procreation of the human species would be harder and thus less prevalent. Natural selection dictates that the men who can get hard and shoot a load as quickly and plentifully as possible are the ones whose blood-line is going to last the longest, so men have literally been bred over eons of time to get from zero to orgasm as efficiently as possible. Women? Not so much.

Once sex has actually begun the female orgasm is in the most literal sense completely useless as far as the success or failure of procreation goes. So right from the get-go, both sexes are pre-wired to place a huge amount of emphasis on the male orgasm and absolutely no emphasis on the female one. Combine this instinct with the concept that men have physically evolved to orgasm easier and you’ve got that huge chasm I referred to: men are making their O-Faces during sex a hell of a lot more often than women are.

The girl who wrote me the question that started off this article means well. She has a boyfriend and she wants him to make her come but doesn’t know how to do that. Naturally, she thinks that since making one man orgasm is pretty much the same way you make every other man orgasm that there has to be a nearly universal way to make women orgasm, and please could I teach it to her. I wish that was how it worked, but unfortunately nature has sadistically and remorselessly thrust upon the female sex what I referred to above: Orgasm Responsibility.

Let’s talk about making a woman come. Most guys who give a fuck about the pleasure of their female partners know that just thrusting your dick in and out of a lady’s orifice is most likely not going to get her to orgasm (although the amount of men out there who don’t care about their partner’s pleasure is staggering). We all know that doing so involves the clitoris and a lot of time, because the clit is where the orgasms come from and it takes way longer to get there than it does for men. But other than those two very rudimentary details every guy is completely in the dark on how to make any specific woman come. And it’s really not our fault because every woman is completely different. Sure, we can do the whole trial-and-error approach of licking here like this and then licking there like that and putting fingers here and doing this thing and on and on, hoping to find the magic combo that unlocks the orgasm safe. But there are so many factors! Some women need a lot of pressure on their clit and no penetration…others need the opposite. Some need two fingers in them just resting, others need one thrusting. Some need oral stimulation some only need manual. Some need toys…and that’s a whole other long list. And then there’s the mental aspects of it all. It’s literally a neverending cascade of possible combinations of things. And even if you do unlock the secret code for Girl A, you’re going to have to start all over again with Girl B because she’s totally different. And meanwhile, we men are just like, “Just jerk it and watch out for splooge.”

After a guy goes through this struggle with several sex partners he just starts to get sick of it. He knows a few moves that most every partner liked so he just does those things and hopes that maybe it will get her there. If it doesn’t, well…what’s he going to do? Logically, he just asks: “Hey, I would love to make you orgasm…what should I do?”

And that’s when the girl stares at him blankly and then rushes to her computer to ask me, how can I teach my boyfriend to make me come? Well, girls…I don’t have the answer, and Mother Nature has deemed it your Orgasm Responsibility to figure it out yourself. So that’s my answer to this reader’s question: I don’t know, you tell me!

But I’m a feminist and I know the conundrum here: if the Orgasm Responsibility does in fact exist, then the patriarchal influence that prevents girls from openly exploring their sexuality is robbing them of even the slightest chance of fulfilling that responsibility! And that’s absolutely right, there’s no question about it…once again we have another example of how male culture has repressed girls everywhere and put them in this predicament. But what women need to understand is that even if the patriarchy was suddenly gone tomorrow they would still have the Orgasm Responsibility to deal with. Men may have fucked shit up for women when it comes to this topic, but men didn’t create the Orgasm Responsibility; Mother Nature did. And even feminist men like myself who are ready and open to do whatever it is we may need to do to make our women shake the room with their thunderous orgasms need to be taught how to do it, or at the very least guided to the destination.

So women everywhere, listen up: you need to learn how to make yourself come. The way you make yourself come will most likely be vastly different than the way your other female friends make themselves come. Figure it out, get it down, and then tell your partners how to do it. Don’t play the game of “I want him to naturally figure it out” or “I want it to just spontaneously happen because that’s more romantic.” No, no, and no. Depending on blind luck is a fool’s errand because the cards are already so stacked against you. First you have to get a man that even gives a fuck about you orgasming or not, and then you have to get a man who will let his ego down for three fucking seconds to listen to you explain how to do it. Then you have to hope that he remains patient enough to get it done when it most likely will physically give him no pleasure at all and may not even involve his penis in any way. Then you have to hope and pray to all the non-existent gods in the universe that the two of you can figure out a way to get you to orgasm while having sex. So no, don’t just sit around waiting for all that to just “happen”. Figure it out and explain it. It’s your Orgasm Responsibility and it needs to be taken seriously.

Well, actually, there is something we can do to better the situation: blame the cheater and stop shifting blame from the actual wrong-doer to a person who really shouldn’t be blamed at all. I’m not talking about the person being cheated on, but about the cheatee, of course.

Who’s the cheatee? In any cheating scenario there are at least three people: the cheater (the person who is cheating), the cheated (the person who is being betrayed by the cheater), and the cheatee (the person with whom the cheater cheats with). To put it more simply: Bill Clinton was the cheater, Hillary Clinton was the cheated, and Monica Lewinsky was the cheatee. In a lot of cheating scenarios (including the Clinton one I just referenced) blame for the cheating is not just put on the cheater: it’s also put on the cheatee. Monica obviously knew that Bill was married to Hillary and therefore when they engaged in sexual conduct she was facilitating his infidelity. Most people agree that the fact that she knew she was helping him to cheat means that she deserves a certain amount of blame…after all, the cheating wouldn’t have occurred if Monica had said, “Sorry, Bubba, but I won’t be the cheatee for you.”

But really all that attitude does is do a disservice to everyone involved, because it removes a partial amount of the blame for the situation from the cheater to the cheatee. Imagine that there is a finite amount of blame for this situation…let’s say 100% of the blame. If you say that the cheatee deserves part of the blame (let’s say 25% of it) then that leaves only 75% of the blame to be directed at the cheater. But that’s no good! That means that the cheater is getting less blame for something that is wholly their fault!

But you may not agree with that statement; you may think that both the cheater and the cheatee are at fault…hell, you might even think that in certain situations that the cheated should be held at fault! Maybe the cheated was being a royal pain in the ass and drove the cheater to cheat through being a miserable piece of shit. Then some of the blame should shift to them too, right? Maybe 10% of it…so now it’s 10% to the cheated, 25% to the cheatee, and 65% to the cheater.

This percentage analogy may be stupid but you see what point I’m trying to make: the more you say that it’s not ALL the cheater’s fault the less fully accountable the cheater is for the infidelity. And believe you me: cheating is 100% totally the cheater’s fault and the cheatee and the cheated should not be held accountable in the slightest. And I’m not saying this because I’m angry at the cheaters and want to see them scorned…I’m saying this because I want to protect the cheatees and the cheateds.

I met a girl once who was the cheatee for a guy who was in a monogamous relationship at the time they were having sex, which happened multiple times. She said that she had full knowledge of the fact that he was in a relationship at the time and even had met and hung out with his girlfriend on a few occasions. She also said that she really liked the girlfriend but, at the time, was so caught up in the sexual chemistry between herself and the man that she didn’t really care that what she was a part of would undoubtedly hurt the girlfriend.

Needless to say it didn’t end well…the girlfriend eventually found out (as is always the case) and the girl is now barred from seeing or even talking with either the boy or the girlfriend. She explained to me that this incident has left her feeling incredibly guilty, even to the point of it negatively affecting her current relationships. She referred numerous times to the cheating incident as something that was plainly her fault and something that she “did to them”. I felt bad for her not because of the incident, but because she is suffering such needless and pointless guilt over something that, by my accounts, is not even remotely her fault at all.

The cheater is the one with the responsibility not to cheat. The cheatee is simply there, a vessel unto which the cheater can do their cheating. In the situation above, the girl didn’t force the guy to cheat on his girlfriend. And who’s to say, had the girl not been around or had turned down his proposal for sex, that he wouldn’t have just shrugged and moved on to cheat with someone else? She simply went along with his infidelity and reaped the benefits of it. She wasn’t being betrayed by him and she had no responsibility to protect the girlfriend from her boyfriend’s cheating. Sure, she may have been doing herself a disservice by getting involved in something that would inevitably cause her pain and distress when the shit hit the fan and their sexual relationship was exposed, but she knew what she was doing and was fine with it. People know that drinking a lot of beer may cause them to vomit, but they like drinking beer so they accept that it may or may not end in vomit. That’s all this girl did: accept that this will be fun but may end messily…it’ll suck for the guy and his girlfriend a lot, but it will only suck a little bit for her. Why should she be made to feel bad about that?

Here’s another analogy: let’s say I lie to my boss and call out sick from work eventhough I feel fine and am actually going to an amusement park with my friends. Let’s say my boss gets word from a friend of his that they saw me at the amusement park that day and when I come to work the following morning I am fired for abusing my sick-time privileges. Whose fault is it that I got fired? It’s certainly not my boss’ fault…he’s the victim! And it’s certainly not my friends’ fault…they may have enticed me to go to the amusement park fully knowing that I would have to break the rules and falsely call out of work to go, but they didn’t force me to do so. The only person who’s at fault for me getting fired is me. It was my responsibility to go to work and I broke the rules to go do something else. I was caught, and I was fired. I should be getting 100% of the blame. I don’t think anyone would try to chastise my friends for inviting me to the amusement park that day, and I hope no one would blame my boss for having to cover for my lazy ass while I’m out having a blast riding rollercoasters, so why is it that most people would try to chastise the cheatee of a cheating situation?

Like I said at the beginning of this article: cheating sucks. It sucks for everyone. But let’s keep in mind why it sucks: it sucks because the cheater cheated. If we forget that simple fact and start saying it ALSO sucks because the cheatee didn’t put a stop to it, or participate in victim-blaming by saying that the cheated was part of the reason the cheating occurred, we are spreading out the blame for no reason and giving the cheater less of a reason to feel like a piece of shit. The blame should be laser-focused directly on the cheater’s face in an unwavering beam of solidarity…because that’s whose fucking fault it is. Blame the cheater.

Most of the people I meet and have relationships with start online either with OkCupid (of which I’ve been an A-List member since 2008) or Tinder (which I’ve only recently started trying). According to a very recent study, 41,250,000 people in the US alone have tried online dating. To put that into perspective, it’s estimated that there are about 54,250,000 people who consider themselves to be “single” in the United States, which means that over 76% of single people today are doing at least part of their dating in cyberspace. So before you get all “Online dating is for weirdos who can’t get dates the old fashioned way” take a look at those stats. If you still need convincing, head here to read even more in-depth stats about online dating and modern relationships.

In my online dating profile, both on OKC and on Tinder, I explicitly state that I’m in a non-monogamous relationship and live with my primary partner. So whenever there’s communication between me and a prospective date they know right away that they’re not chatting with just any random single dude; I’m a bit more unique than most. Some girls are really into it, some girls are totally turned off…but most girls are kind of like, “Hmmm…that’s interesting. I don’t know how I feel about that.” If I’m into an on-the-fence girl I encourage them to meet up with me simply because I’ve found that most of them figure out that non-monogamy is something they’d enjoy once they actually meet someone living that lifestyle. And if they meet me and realize that they’re not into it (or maybe just not into me) then no big deal, right? They spent an evening out with a guy who made them laugh a bit and had some cool stories to tell and got to share their stories with him. No harm, no foul.

That’s how communication started with a girl I recently connected with on OKC…we’ll call her Sasha. I sent Sasha a cute first message and she came back with this:

I hear the whole, “You seem cool but the idea of not being able to be your one and only girlfriend in the very near future is a deal breaker” quite a lot. It doesn’t bother me. So I sent her this reply expecting that to be the end of it:

To my surprise, she came back with a message that stated she’d give me a try and go out on a date with me, and even included her phone number with the message. So I took the conversation off OkCupid and started texting with her. Within a few texts she was saying, “When should we meet up?” We decided a Sunday afternoon lunch worked well for the both of us but she said she wouldn’t be able to commit to a specific time until the nite before, which is fine. She told me to text her on Saturday evening and she’d be able to make a definite plan.

So far, this is going really well. She’s eager to meet, albeit not totally convinced that meeting is going to lead to anything. She’s also incredibly attractive, which is not a major factor in the girls I choose to meet up with but always very nice. We text back and forth fairly consistently throughout the rest of the day.

Within only a few hours of texting, we’re talking about what would happen if sex were to be something we wanted to do together once we’ve met up. We talked about safety and she talked a bit about boys and girls she’s had sex with in the past, as well as her feelings on group sex (she’s into it…a lot). Still all going swimmingly. Then the nude pictures started being sent. I get some shots of her naked ass (which is glorious), some shots of her boobs (also magnificent), and then some shots of just her doing selfies with clothes on. This is fucking great!

The conversation winds down and I tell her I’ll text her on Saturday to make final plans for our Sunday lunch, to which she says she’s excited for. On Saturday morning around 10:00 AM I send her a text just being like, “Good morning! Hope you’re doing well.” No response. OK, no big deal, maybe she had a late Friday nite and is still sleeping. The afternoon comes and goes and then we’re into early evening. I send her another text saying I’m excited about meeting up tomorrow and for her to let me know when she knows what time will work for her.

No response.

Now, this has happened to me before a whole bunch. Second thoughts start to creep in: “Is this really going to be worth my time?” or “This guy seems really intimidating what with these multiple relationships and this sex life that is way out there…do I want to even bother?” Thoughts like these are totally understandable and they don’t offend me in the least. I get the feeling that this is what’s happening; after all, we texted for hours straight back and forth and she was quick to reply nearly instantaneously just yesterday, so what else could it be? Broken phone, maybe? Unlikely. So I send her this text:

As you might have guessed, no response. By this point, I’ve already chalked her up as a person who just doesn’t hold people and her commitment to them in high regard. I know I shouldn’t jump to that conclusion and give her the benefit of the doubt, but I’ve just been doing this too long. This is the way people are now, this is the way modern dating is. There’s absolutely zero commitment given and zero commitment expected…but the idea that that kind of attitude could ever lead to any kind of meaningful relationship is patently absurd. But I digress…after not receiving a response to that last text I went ahead and just expected not to be having lunch with her the next day.

On Sunday morning I got up and made Eloise breakfast and cleaned the house a bit. Around noon, with still no response from Sasha, I got angry and sent her this text:

Lo and behold, I got a response from her immediately:

…”You’re a guy I met on the internet.”

That sentence there sums up it all, folks. That’s what this problem is. I’m a guy she met on the internet, yes, but I’m still a person. I’m a real person on the other end of the text messaging chain and I have real reactions to what people say and do to me. She made a plan with me, a fairly specific plan of lunch on Sunday. I put that lunch into my calendar and therefore did not make any other plans at that time, when I very well could have. I got excited to meet an attractive woman and have lunch with her, and then was let down. I was disrespected and feel that rejection and dismay. Is this the end of the world? No, of course not, but it still fucking sucks and could have easily been avoided.

And what the fuck is “I was very sick last nite and couldn’t reply?” Was she paralyzed all day? Unable to move her arms or hands and text out, “I’m sorry, I’m sick…will text back when I’m better”? Of course she wasn’t. She probably wasn’t even sick, but she needed to say something to make herself feel like she wasn’t just being a neglectful and hurtful asshole.

But what’s really astonishing about this whole thing is the pictures. I have naked pictures of Sasha. Apparently, in this day and age of modern dating, sending a strange man multiple naked pictures of yourself is A-OK, but for him to expect that you keep the plans you made with him is just way outta line. Am I taking crazy pills? How fucking backwards is that? Sasha is lucky that I’m not that asshole guy who’s going to post those pics on the internet for all to see. Although I’m sure that’s already happened, because I’m sure I’m not the first guy this has happened to on her account.

This is fucked up, folks. This is just not the way it should be. If this was an isolated incident I would look the other way, but I have literally dozens of stories just like this that have happened to me in just the past year or two, let alone my entire life. Maybe I should just make a blog of them and raise awareness for how fucked up people’s priorities and sense of responsibility towards their fellow man really are.

Anyway, /rant. Fuck you, Sasha, and all the people like you.

However, he won’t drop it. He asks for it all the time, brings it up all the time, just won’t stop thinking about anal sex. I’m not entirely opposed to trying again but really: how much do I have to try and like this before he accepts that I just don’t?

-Not Into Anal

This is a tough one and I’m not sure you’re going to like my answer.

First off, kudos to you for trying anal sex. Although I talk a lot (and Eloise talks a lot) about how stupid it is that anal sex is stigmatized in American culture as being so gross and painful and awful, that disdain does not prohibit me from understanding that it can be a very daunting thing for girls. And as anal sex becomes more accepted in society it will become more “expected” which will only make it more difficult for girls who don’t like it to avoid situations like the one you’re in.

Normally I tell everyone to try everything twice. I can’t tell you the amount of women in my life that have told me they don’t like a specific sexual act and then have changed their minds about it 100 fold once they’ve tried it again under different circumstances. This is especially true for anal. Their first anal experience may have been an accident (“Whoops, wrong hole!), a rape situation (“Whoops, wrong hole! But I’m not going to stop now.”), or any other number of negative situations. Since they’ve now done anal, they think they know that it is 100% bad and never want to do it again, when they don’t realize that if they did it in a prepared way with someone they know and trust in the right environment they may very well enjoy it. So that’s what I say.

But it seems from your letter that you did just that. You took all the right steps and were a good sport and tried to be a great girlfriend for your boy, but in the end you just didn’t care for it. Encouraging you to go through that again seems to me to probably be a lesson in futility. However, maybe it’s not, maybe you should try it again. Let me put it this way…the worst that can happen if you try it again is that you have a bad time with it, but the best that can happen is that you like it more than you did the first time. Ultimately, the choice is up to you.

Let’s assume that you try it again, making it twice that your boyfriend has put his dick into your ass, and you still hate it just as much as you do now. To me that is more than enough to solidly declare to your boyfriend that you don’t like anal sex and never will and that it is now permanently off the table. If he disagrees and continues to whine and moan about how he wants to fuck your ass then you need to lay the smack down and say, “It’s me, or anal sex. You can’t have both. So pick.”

The problem is that either way will probably be bad. If he picks to leave you then that will obviously suck. But if he picks to stay with you without anal sex, he may grow to resent that he can’t get his anal rocks off while he’s with you. That resentment could permeate through the relationship creating a slow and drawn-out death. It could not go down that way but if anal sex is really that important to him, it likely could. So you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.

As of right now you are dating a guy who really loves anal sex and you are a girl who really does not like anal sex, which you may not believe but makes you fundamentally incompatible. Unless you want to open up your relationship so he can get his anal kicks from other more willing ladies you may both just have to accept that you’re not the right fit for eachother. Sorry for the bummer of an answer, NIA, but sometimes the hard truth is what you have to lay down.

-George

You’re assuming two things, both of which are only partly true. The first thing you’re assuming is that all guys in porn shoot massive loads at massive speeds, which is not true. Steve Holmes, one of porn’s biggest and most enduring male stars, almost never “shoots” his loads. They just dribble out of his dick like a leaky faucet (see a video compilation of Steve’s cum shots here). Granted, there are people like Peter North who have legendary amounts of semen come firing out of them like a small cannon (see GIF here). But for every Peter North there’s a Steve Holmes.

The second thing you’re assuming is that male porn stars have total control over their semen amount/firing intensity. Peter North has admitted numerous times that he does nothing special to achieve the insane amounts of semen he ejaculates; he was just born that way. Most male porn stars are in the same boat, they just ejaculate the way they ejaculate and leave it at that.

That all being said there are some ways to make your cum shots “better”, if one could put it in that crude of a term. I’ll let you in on the secrets here:

BIGGER LOADS: If you’re only blowing little tiny bits of semen naturally and want to have a big nice one when you’re with your girlfriend, the most basic thing you can do is “save up”. Don’t ejaculate for a few days so your body has plenty of time to produce a bunch of semen. Porn stars do this all the time: if they know they have a shoot the next day they abstain from sex the nite before so that they have plenty of cum for the scene. You can get your body to make even more if you also do some “edging“, which is a term used for getting yourself near to the point of ejaculation and then stopping so no ejaculation occurs. If you “edge” a few times a day, whether it be through sex or masturbation, the next day you’ll blow way more cum than you’ve ever seen yourself blow before. Finally, there’s a “cocktail” (pun intended, I’m sure) that some guy on 4Chan came up with that supposedly makes your body produce higher quantities of thicker cum. You can read about that here, but I’ve never tried it so I have no idea if it works or not.

MORE INTENSE SHOT: Getting your semen to shoot across the room may never happen if you’re naturally a “dribbler”, but there is a very easy way to make it happen on a more intense level than usual. Running the length of the bottom of your penis is your urethra, the tube which carries your urine and semen from its point of creation to the outside world. When you are about to ejaculate (like, right about to ejaculate) grip the base of your penis in such a way that your urethra is completely closed off, not unlike stepping on a garden hose to stop the flow of water. Hold it there for a second or two and then release and watch as your semen shoots out like an explosion. Once again, it may not shoot at Peter North rates but it will absolutely shoot farther and harder than you are used to. It also gives you a delayed orgasm which can be interesting and different in some ways, so that’s a bonus side effect. Obviously just make sure you don’t hold it too long otherwise complications could occur. Play around with it when you masturbate so you can get the technique down and then show your new found trick to your girlfriend’s boobs at a later date!

-Aman

No.

No, Aman…it is not OK. It is so not OK, Aman.

Now, don’t get me wrong: approaching your mom to tell her that you want to have sex with her is in itself not “wrong”, per se. It might be weird and it might cause a lot of strain on your mother/son relationship and could put you in a very difficult situation with her and other members of your family. But, in its purest sense, telling your mother that you desire her sexually is not “wrong”. However, you must understand that her reaction to that statement could go any number of ways, and I’m not going to lie most of them will not be good for you, her, or anyone.

What’s really wrong about what you’re suggesting, Aman, is that you’re essentially going to blackmail your mother into fucking you. Let that sink in for a moment: you’re not asking your mother to fuck you (which is totally out there and bizarre in itself), and you’re not blackmailing some random person to fuck you (which is reprehensible and wrong). No: you are going to combine the two and try and blackmail your mother into having sex with you, which is so beyond fucked up and wrong that I don’t even know where to begin.

Look, Aman: I’m sorry that you saw your mother cheating on your father with a friend of yours. I’m sorry that that experience has led you to develop a sexual attraction to your mother. But what you’re suggesting here is absolutely fucked up and you should not even think about doing it.

Now, as far as simply asking your mother to have sex, i.e. by saying: “Mom, this is very difficult to ask and I have no idea how you will react, but I find myself sexually attracted to you and am curious to know if the two of us having sex would be something you would even ever consider?”, that’s OK. It’s weird, it’s fucked up, it’ll most likely destroy your relationship with your mother and cause tons of stress on you, her, and the rest of your family, but if that’s what you really want to ask: go for it. Ethically it’s not wrong to do so. But if you even so much as think of trying to use her infidelity as a tool to force her to fuck you so you don’t squeal on her, that’s…that’s just beyond fucked, Aman, and you should just cut your dick off and save the world a heap of trouble.